What follows is going to be very embarrassing to me to share. The reason I am doing it is that Holy Spirit tells me that it will be helpful to the Mind we share. I hope you don't think badly of me for the kinds of thoughts I had which I share here, but I guess I have decided that if Holy Spirit wants me to share this, then it will be okay for me to look like a fool. Okay so here goes:
I had great resistance to starting the Pathways of Light (PoL) courses, even though I also had a great desire to do them. The first four courses took me about a year, with a lot of spaces in between.
I found the first course particularly difficult. I didn't think I liked starting with something that looked (to me) like it was for beginners.
At that time I had been studying ACIM for 17 years facilitating and educating, and had been in 12-step groups before that facilitating and sponsoring. During the last 20ish years, I had facilitated, taught, written, illustrated, ate and slept spirituality. I had also been a member of the Milwaukee ACIM community on broadcasting ACIM discussion groups on public access for three years. Further, I had a brilliant mystical light experience waking up inside of God. I was such an expert!
So I looked at the first PoL course, 132: Self-Image Transformations, and I wondered what I had gotten myself into. How was I going to complete this course? As I skimmed through it I thought, this is beneath me. It's below me. I am so much more advanced than this. I worked on stuff like this before I started ACIM. Now what?
Well, I heard the thought, I could just read the questions and fill in the answers, and I will get through the minister program and get my minister's credentials. Then I'll be a minister. And on and on with this kind of thinking.
I saw I was having these thoughts, and I felt guilty about them, but I couldn't get past them. And I didn't want to just do the courses to get my minister's credentials. I knew that was not a path I wanted to take. So while I was watching my mind, my own thoughts were repulsing me. At that time I don't think I shared that with others.
So I did meditate pretty often and one day soon after that the Holy Spirit said, "You can learn something to help you where ever you are from anything in the world, Laurie. What you can do with the PoL courses that will be most helpful to you is to apply them to whatever is happening in your life at the same time that you read that particular course. And if something comes up from the past or future that's fine also. You still can apply your thoughts and feelings about it as that thing applies to you right now. I will be with you as you read and apply these courses to your life, and I will guide you in what to do with the course you are on."
This came as such awareness to me, and I was so happy. So I started again, and lo and behold…
…course 132 was a completely different experience for me, as were those which followed. It was like a personal communication with exercises between the Holy Spirit and me: my own personal learning experience. Also, I no longer believed it was a course that was just for beginners after all, nor would there be anything wrong with that. It is for anyone at any place of Self-discovery.
That doesn't mean my resistance went away. It still took me about a year to complete the first four classes. But each one of those courses was a learning and healing experience.
Now I've been a student of ACIM for 18 years, and I am grasping the Course more intensely and seeing it come alive at a new depth because I am using these courses and applying them to whatever is happening in my life right now.
I'm seeing also not to be embarrassed or ashamed of "my" ego thoughts. They are guides to what Holy Spirit can heal for me. I can turn them over to Holy Spirit without fear of embarrassment. The ego thoughts are not really my thoughts, for they are not eternal. And I am.
(Note: I have noticed that when I shared on chat groups before, I was very caught up in how well my thoughts were regarded by others. I have been asking for help on this issue and have seen more peace surrounding this, thankfully.)
Thank you, Father.
Hugs!
Laurie Immekus
3 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing that. The Holy Spirit was right - often times looking "like a fool" is the most helpful thing to the Mind. It gives "others" permission to take their ego's less seriously.
Keep sharing that which you feel guided to share. It is waking Us up.
Peace be with the moderator, as well as all the readers of this message.
The time has come.
I am here to bring judgment to the living and the dead. The harvest is ripe.
Use the community of believers website to spread the news.
The Faithful Witness
Duke
Thank you, Erik and Duke, for visiting my Blog and leaving comments. I see my ego thoughts: "Oh I liked what Erik wrote and didn't care for what Duke wrote." But I felt that Holy Spirit wanted me to approve publishing what Duke wrote here anyway.
It's funny, 'cause I was thinking, "Oh I don't like him writing about judgement." Then I saw, that is a judgement, too. LOL! And I'm glad I practice that nobody is guilty, I am not guilty. Maybe that is why the Course says not that we "shouldn't" judge, but that we can't judge. It's impossible.
For one, once I start judging another, like I did with Duke, I am judging myself, since he and I are One, and since I experience everything I feel and think. For another, I guess, what am I judging but a dream?
Post a Comment